NewStats: 3,265,399 , 8,186,597 topics. Date: Saturday, 14 June 2025 at 06:31 PM 5x4b2b

what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

Cos change is constant

Very simple:
After marriage, partner feel comfortable in their own life wrongly believing they don't need to woo/impress/date their partner any longer, since they are married to them now...

They also get physically lazy, thinking that they don't even have to be attractive to their partner, thus That's when potbellies and babywhales shapes creeps in.

marriage is the real deal.
courtship, dating, flirting and all others​ can be simulated.

You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

Because "things" change after marriage.
Simple.
You go with the "flow"!

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

Hmmm. Once again, impressive comment. Your hubby must be very lucky.

Zither:


Hmmm. Once again, impressive comment. Your hubby must be very lucky.

Zither are you stalking me?

The importance of self-realization, self-will and willpower can never be overemphasied.

Self-realization makes it very easy for one to dissect another within few days of close while willpower enables one to make rational decision as quick as possible. . . Someone who has willpower can never see raging fire and walk into it with hope that it'll abate when s/he enters into it. Meanwhile, self-will will save one from accepting what nature throws at him/pressure from small-minded people instead he does things according to his conscience.

Yes, people do change thus the importance of marrying someone who has achieved self-realization just like you ought and supposed to have achieved before going into marriage.

I for one, for instance, I know that the worst thing I can do to myself will be to marry someone who's not of same belief systems like me.

ImaIma1:


Zither are you stalking me?

Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

Hahaha. You are obviously a funny and interesting person. See you around

1. Spouses just begin to see what 'love' blind them to in courtship

2. One of the party discovers he/she was deceived into the marriage

3. Spouses begin to discover themselves and actually change.

ImaIma1:
You don't have to date for years to know someone is on drugs,etc.
What is important is what you actually do with the dating time. Are u people just going out seeing movies, eating out, having fun,etc?
Get to really know each other...talk and ask questions, observe behaviours and pick up vibes. It is not about just having fun. Open your eyes and the inner eyes too.

The highlighted sentence is superb. what you actually do with the dating time

Back to the Op's question

Relationship sometimes can be likened to politics. Some guys will promise anything and pretend just to get a lady that can't discern. People don't change in marriage, marriage is just a revealer. But if you are smart and not emotinally carried away, you would have gotten some tips you needed in the early days of your relationship.

pabostt:


The highlighted sentence is superb.

Back to the Op's question

Relationship sometimes can be likened to politics. Some guys will promise anything and pretend just to get a lady that can discern. People don't change in marriage, marriage is just a revealer. But if you are smart and not emotinally carried away, you would have gotten some tips you needed in the early days of your relationship.

Thank you .

bukatyne:
1. Spouses just begin to see what 'love' blind them to in courtship

2. One of the party discovers he/she was deceived into the marriage

3. Spouses begin to discover themselves and actually change.

hmmmm. True

Zither:


Knew something like this would come up. I don't do online romance or relationships or that kind of thing. Besides, I have no idea what you look like and on top of that you're married. As regards stalking you, you should know by now that family section is a small place and we bump into a particular name often numerous times as we read through new or trending topics. The occasion for coincidental meeting abounds in such online community. Lastly, if you took the time to make a short investigation into my personality by looking through my comments you would have dispelled the notion of my stalking you because it is a stark contrast with my religious belief as a Christian.

I however believe I courted this reaction from you by unnecessarily throwing compliments your way. It achieved the opposite effect intended which was to convey my respect and appreciation of your wisdom.

Besides, following a member of this forum is likened to stalking them and it is the norm but you will confirm that I never followed you as a member. What else should I say but that you've got it all wrong.

I don't think she meant it that way.. see the emijo, she was only joking .

ImaIma1:


Hahaha. You are obviously a funny and interesting person. See you around

Funny, those are the same words I would say.

greatwomenworld:

I don't think she meant it that way.. see the emijo, she was only joking .

True. It is quite obvious she was but I couldn't leave it to chance hence my response.

Zither:


True. It is quite obvious she was but I couldn't leave it to chance hence my response.

Bros u like English sha

My dear it's same way politicians change after an election

Zither:


Funny, those are the same words I would say.

You take life too seriously. Breathe Zither! Breathe!

Because change is constantly constant

That your male friend have not baff. He thinks it's all about living in the moment with a brand new live in gf?

Btw, architects in the house should check out www.archfiler.com

Sometimes you date a person who hasn't really discovered him/her self and you think that's the true personality of that person and then along the line they discover who they truly are and bring it out for you to either tolerate and stand by them or get frustrated and do something drastic.

Many people don't really know who they are and so they can't even explain what happened or what they did that made the marriage change shape but the other partner will see it as pretence.

No matter how long you spend courting a person if you both haven't come to that self realization of your true selves and make a decision on how to compromise with each other, there will be problems in marriage.

$2

...

Because people like lies....people dont change after marriage, it is you that refuse to see what he or she really is..an olosho or womanizer isnnevwr going tonchange but you believe in your nativity that they will!!!!

greatwomenworld:
what prompted my post was a phone call I had with a male friend which turned into a debate .

He is about getting married and says something like one doesn't need to date for a long time before getting married ,maximum 6 months because there's nothing you want to know about your spouse, you will eventually find out everything when you become husband and wife living under the same roof .

Trust me, I debunk the notion because I am of the strong opinion that rushing in is dangerous. You need to know the person you want to settle with to a very large extent before tying the knot. The time you spend doing that, is up to you. but I am particular about the " LARGE EXTENT ".

I used my previous relationship as an example, I once dated someone who if not for longtime relationship and closeness, I wouldn't know that he abuses drugs.
Well, if I had rushed into marriage with such person, I'm sure I would be regretting because this guy was an addict. I cannot stand it.

talking about why people change after getting married, I really don't think that people change, we just haven't discovered who they really are until we find ourselves living together then the true colour start to display.

that's my opinion.

Tell me yours , I want to learn from you, i might have a wrong mindset.

Your last statement is the answer. Individual mindset and self discipline so many married People lack. That is just the reason they change. A married person should try to think positive, reason positively always and don't get room for any intruder.

I don't know what really make them change especially the male folks but a man denied his wife last week here in my area,story for another day.

They don't change they reveal their true identity

It depends on what you call change. I don't believe in long relationship, reason I met my wife in January and did traditional in April then white wedding November. 5 years down and our love is still waxing stronger.

All I need to know about any woman is about 80% of the characters I can/cannot condone. I don't need ages to confirm what she may hide till marriage if she wants.

Once I am okay with her sex life, cleanliness, religious life, cooking skills, education level, family background, I'm ready to walk down the aisle, no time to waste.